So, you want to know how to deal with a beta male? Know a beta male in your life and want to treat them better? Or is it because you’re tired of their ways and want to correct them?
Well, fret not because this think-piece will help you through!
Here you’ll learn to manage every situation about him and make him a better man.
C’mon, let’s get started…
How to deal with a beta male?
A beta male might get on your nerves by avoiding conflicts. Or, you might get too judgmental of his aversion to leadership.
Though these men are friendly, you might face multiple issues with them. So, let’s work things out strategically!
1. If he’s conflict-avoidant, approach him with a clear mind
One of the most typical beta males behavior is conflict avoidance. Whenever a fight might break out, the beta male will avoid it anyhow.
Yes, at times it helps him prevent a clash of hurtful comments. When either side isn’t clear about their demands, a full-fledged conflict doesn’t help the situation.
However, it’s bound to frustrate you especially if you are a loved one.
So, instead of blaming him, clear the fog in your mind. Understand what each of you wants and approach him to communicate clearly.
He is also afraid of hurting you by sharing his thoughts openly. So, convince him that you’re eager to know his thoughts and desires.
2. Explain the responsibilities in detail and he’ll take care of it
True beta males may not be great at taking the lead, but they make amazing followers. They can follow instructions perfectly and support the alpha men,
So, if you know a beta man, don’t point at his shortcomings about being unable to lead. Instead, help him progress with his existing skills.
For instance, tell him what needs to be done in detail. Don’t let him choose or decide independently as it makes him anxious. Instead, ask him to note down all the responsibilities and the ways to undertake them.
Ask him to contact you any moment he gets confused. He’ll give you outstanding results!
3. Respect his choices
Alphas and betas are mainly different based on their choices. For instance, the alpha male is born to lead while the beta is a loyal follower. They are also introverted and prefer to spend time with themselves.
Contrary to public opinion, beta men are NOT INSECURE about this. So stop with the “Aww you poor thing… you really wish you’d get more attention/better leadership skills, right?”
No, stop assuming that he isn’t happy with his current self!
Or, just because he expresses his emotions freely, stop judging him. Especially, don’t use phrases like “Man up!” or “Don’t be a crybaby!” That’s just plain rude and offensive.
He chose to be transparent about his emotions, avoid socializing, and follow instead of leading. So, just respect that and don’t say anything at all!
4. Support him to take small independent steps
One of the worrisome characteristics of a beta man is that he can’t decide for himself or others. It’s not just because he is laid back. Rather, he always feels anxious about making the wrong choices.
Since people expect a lot from leaders, they can’t deal with the pressure of being perfect. So, help him out of this crippling fear.
Sometimes, allow him to decide alone about minor things. Give him plenty of space to make mistakes. Let him know that it’s a minor decision and nobody will judge his choices.
Once he warms up to the idea of taking small steps proactive, he will gradually overcome the fear.
5. Don’t let anyone take advantage of him
The beta man gladly helps anyone around him. However, he never preys on others’ business to avoid overstepping boundaries. So, in the end, he helps everyone without knowing their circumstances.
Whether the other person truly needs help or if they just want to take advantage of him… he can hardly tell!
So if you are his loved one, a fellow classmate or coworker, in charge of him at school or work, or a close coworker, keep an eye on his surroundings.
If people seek help from him in your presence, politely try to know why they can’t do it on their own. Of course, you’re pretty busy, so focus on him only when you can!
6. Help him say “No”
He is way too obsessed with being the proverbial nice guy. So, he can’t ever refuse others’ requests. Even if the request might hurt him eventually, he doesn’t focus on that.
His sole focus is on the fact that he might hurt others. So, he can’t ever prioritize himself because of this habit.
Now, you can’t force him to say “No” to others, so do this instead:
Suppose anyone requests him something and he’ll put himself in trouble if he accepts that.
Even before he thinks about the other person’s feelings, cut his train of thought. Remind him of the troubles he might face if he agrees.
He will get more courage and reason to refuse them.
Don’t aggressively stop him from helping others as it’ll only provoke him to do the opposite.
7. Don’t push him if he refuses you
Now, you may not always be the bystander in the above situation. Someday, you might genuinely need help from him. However, if he helps you, he’ll compromise his own comfort and responsibilities for you.
He won’t usually refuse to help you. But if he ever does, try to understand him. Don’t request the same thing more than once.
He feels extremely guilty while refusing others. So, don’t increase his burden even more by pressing him further.
Instead, convince him that you can manage on your own even without him. Seek help elsewhere ASAP and don’t expect him to change his mind.
8. Communicate to help him get over opinions
He lets his entire life get controlled by society’s opinions. For instance, before most of his actions and decisions, he thinks about how people around him would respond.
If anything might put others in a tight situation, he won’t do it. This way he can hardly ever focus on his own life and desires.
So, whenever it’s time for him to do or choose something but he wavers, communicate with him. Find out what he truly wants and if he’ll do that. If he won’t follow his heart, ask him why.
If it is mainly because of society, talk him out of it. Tell him that life is too short to care for strangers and acquaintances and he must live for himself.
9. Be patient if you’re his (prospective) partner
These types of guys are way too submissive around their crush. Unlike the true alpha male, they don’t charge aggressively in love.
They don’t even like to confess in love too fast. Instead, they take their sweet time courting their partner without even expressing their feelings. So, women often push them to the friend zone.
But in love, they spend time with their crushes more than usual and help them through every difficulty in life. They are one of the finest men for dating.
So, if you are friends or acquainted with a beta male and feel they have some interest in you, slow down!
Give him enough time to confess his feelings and you can work things out.
10. Don’t force him to change
The beta man is truly content being himself. He doesn’t desire to climb up the socio-sexual hierarchy. He also doesn’t feel that he needs more power.
However, the people around him are anything but satisfied. They want him to be the alpha male. If he refuses to change himself, they mock him because he is incapable of the change.
Due to his poor experiences, he might let the flames of ego and jealousy consume him. He might sabotage his close relationships and professional connections for good. After all, what else do you expect from him?
When he notices that alphas are almost worshiped and he is treated like a nobody even though he is in the second position, that’s a common reaction.
So, don’t ask him to change himself, and never let others demand it either.
11. If you’re an independent person, don’t think about dating him
Beta men can’t decide for themselves and others. So, they often depend on their partner to take charge of the household decisions. They don’t want to choose wrong and disappoint everyone.
So, their romantic relationships often turn codependent… where you both depend on each other for favors and validation.
An independent partner can’t accept such dynamics in their relationship. So, if you identify as an independent person, don’t date him.
Otherwise, you will be pretty disappointed because he’ll often depend on you for crucial decisions. This can even lead to immense frustration for you both.
So, before you start dating, discuss your respective needs from a relationship.
12. If you meet him for the first time, don’t assume the worst about him
Being an introvert, the beta male is socially awkward. He is usually cool but when he meets new people, he doesn’t know what to do.
Often, he avoids eye contact, doesn’t face the other person while making small talk, or can’t firmly shake hands. When people meet him for the first time, they get the wrong idea about him. They assume that he is dishonest or hiding something.
So, if it is your first meeting with a beta male, don’t jump to conclusions. Meet him a few more times to truly know him. Otherwise, you might miss the chance to connect with a nice person.
13. Talk to him about smaller risks and adventures
The beta dude is pretty scared of any sort of risk. He wants to always play it safe and avoid any kind of experimentation.
Especially, when it comes to studies and careers, he doesn’t want to do anything new. But if the risks work out, it turns into great opportunities. So, while he plays safe, he also misses opportunities to improve himself.
But don’t push him to take big risks too fast. Rather, communicate about the smaller risks that won’t hurt him if things go wrong. Discuss why he would or wouldn’t want to pursue it. Talk with a soft tone to avoid forcing him into something unwillingly.
14. If you’re dissatisfied with his performance, sit down for a chat
In school and work, the beta male’s performance is often mediocre. He does this knowingly and hides his true skills. This is so nobody bothers him with more tasks and responsibilities.
Since he doesn’t aim high for managerial designations, he keeps his skills hidden. However, this might sometimes go out of hand.
If the standard of his work becomes excessively low, you can’t stand that. You might even want to lay him off for good.
But since he has good skills, discuss the situation with him first. Tell him what you expect from him to keep his post alone and check whether he changes his ways after that.
15. Discuss before allotting him tasks
Since the beta male is not ambitious, he often takes it easy. For instance, he takes way too long to finish his tasks because he doesn’t want to compete with others.
Or, he may also give up on responsibility too soon rather than giving it a second try. But this is intolerable at work!
So, before assigning any job to him, discuss the necessary. Ask if he can complete the task within the said time limit. Discuss what he will do if the task can’t be completed with the first plan.
Know about his backup plans and let him take over only if you are satisfied. There’s no point wasting double the time and resources for one job.
16. Until you can support him in a task, ask him to try independently
When things don’t follow the plan, the beta male doesn’t lose his calm. Rather, he becomes even more relaxed so others notice and help him.
Even if you notice his troubles, you can’t run up and solve his troubles immediately. Especially because you have your own things to deal with.
But, next time, don’t ignore him after noticing he’s in a pinch. Give him a small tip for the time being to deal with the situation alone.
Let him take care of the task by himself and avoid any time waste!
17. Create a routine and motivate him to follow it
Some men are betas because they choose the second position. They don’t want the limelight or attention on themselves.
However, some beta men simply don’t have what it takes to get rid of the beta mindset… even if they wanted to. They don’t have enough discipline and dedication to change their lives.
If the beta male around you is a beta because of their thinking style, here are some tips:
- Help him create a routine for home, school, and work.
- Ask him to follow the routine carefully if he desires the change.
- Give him a pep talk every day
- Let him take time to follow the routine well
- Discuss different things that stop him from focusing on the routine and solve them together.
18. Enroll him in the gym or suggest a good diet
This is not valid for all beta males, but some of them are in pretty bad shape. It might be because they don’t work out, are addicted to substance use, or just have a poor diet.
Now if you’re his coworker, this isn’t a nice thing to mention. But if you’re a loved one or even a stranger, suggest to him different kinds of healthy food.
If you know about his addiction issues, help him get enrolled in rehab.
19. Don’t make fun of his humility
Since beta men are humble, they never mention their wins to others. It’s all because they don’t want to hurt others by boasting. After all, who knows if someone is secretly depressed about their life?
People often assume that he doesn’t boast because he has nothing to share. It’s high time everyone got over such beliefs. Don’t mock him unless you truly outshine him.
20. Check in with him
Deep within, beta men are scared of hurting others. They overthink many situations when they refuse others. Sometimes, they might even indulge in self-blame or self-criticism.
This only leads to severe suppressed issues which can impact his mental and physical health.
If you are his loved one, check in with him regularly to track his mental health. Or, urge him to seek a therapist to take care of himself.
A word from ThePleasantPersonality
Remember, you’ll need time to embrace all the steps. So, don’t expect a magical transformation in your connection. Even the beta guy needs time to notice your efforts to help or accept him.
So, be patient throughout this journey and have faith in yourself. You’ll make it work in no time!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...