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ESTJ Relationships and Compatibility – How It Looks Like

ESTJ Relationships and Compatibility – How It Looks Like

Updated on Sep 20, 2022 | Published on Sep 20, 2022

Reviewed by Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, MD , Certified Psychiatrist

ESTJ Relationships and Compatibility – How It Looks Like

ESTJ relationships and compatibility is based on a lot of energy and enthusiasm. You will find them approaching their relationship with novelty. They enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes with love at first sight.

As ESTJs are value driven folks, they enjoy committed bonding with their partners. They are the ones who will support all their partner’s endeavors with a smile on their face.

They are dependable and loyal partners. At the same time, they love to get hooked to logical partners who are less into emotional drama and nitpicky tendencies, as ESTJs hate to be blamed for anything going wrong in the relationship.

People with this personality type approach their relationships with a lot of seriousness and expect the same from their partners.

In reality, they cannot get along well with casual daters and avoid them completely in their personal lives.


ESTJ Relationships and compatibility

In relationships, ESTJs are committed and seek lifelong partners. Because of their serious nature, they seek partners who are trustworthy, loyal, and faithful in their personal relationships.

They hate casual daters who are easygoing types and cannot look forward to a stable, committed relationship. ESTJs prefer partners who have a logical bent of mind. 

They like people who are not highly emotional, and are ready to adapt to all sorts of circumstances.

As long term relationships are their first choice, they always look for people who can match their mindset otherwise they will try to avoid them altogether.

Being an extrovert, ESTJs want partners who can mingle well in social circles. Their partners should be able to fulfill all the couple’s goals easily; otherwise they feel highly uncomfortable staying together with them.

They put a lot of emphasis on customs and traditions, and may appear a little narrow-minded when it comes to adapting new ways of living. ESTJs are highly judgmental. Sometimes, they may dictate to their partners and friends about how they should live their lives.

This may lead to conflicts and disagreements that will be hard to resolve. Frankly speaking, ESTJs are not sensitive personality types. 

Sometimes, they may not connect emotionally with their partners and friends and as such get misunderstood in their relationships.

Let us consider how these traditional, serious personality types perform in various roles of being a romantic partner, parent, and friend.

ESTJ as a romantic partner

As romantic partners, ESTJs follow a traditional pattern. They will fall in love quickly but only with the right person. They seek partners who possess some of their key qualities and will be ready to experience life through ESTJs perspectives.

ESTJs also want their partners to be efficient and lively because they cannot live with them who are slow coaches and wait for their turn in life.

Sometimes, ESTJs don’t do well as romantic partners because they are less expressive as far as their feelings are concerned. 

If you tell them to pay the utility bills, they will do it neatly. But if you expect an ESTJ partner to take you to a candle night romantic dinner date, be sure that you have chosen the wrong person.

When dating, an ESTJ partner will be good at paying bills and sorting out all the bookings for a trip, but they will do miserable if asked to shower affection and love to their partner.

As romantic partners, ESTJs are loyal and dedicated partners. They will feel for their partners, but will never express their feelings openly. In this way, their partners may consider them boring and snobbish at times.

ESTJs enjoy getting recognition and compliments from their partners to maintain self-esteem. Executives yearn for stable sex lives.

An ESTJ will not want to have too many touchy moments and they will also not indulge in dishing out love statements to their partners openly. 

They find other concrete ways to express their feelings for their partners and make them feel loved. The issue is that ESTJs fail to recognize how far those qualities are valid in others. 

They might bluntly dismiss those qualities in others by calling them useless. It can have a detrimental effect on their relationship, especially if the partners are more sensitive than the ESTJs. 

The partners can get hurt. Still, ESTJs are good enough to resolve any issue by confronting it head-on, though they sacrifice the emotional angle. 

ESTJs are not good at judging the emotional angle of others. When it is about their relationship, ESTJs must work on this aspect and bring forth necessary improvements. 

They use their principles and self-confidence to protect their partners from all kinds of problems consistently.

In certain situations, ESTJ partners can be controlling. They know best what they are actually looking for in their partners. Their flirting style is devoid of emotional dramas, and it’s quite direct. They will propose the partner directly if the person fits into their checklist.

ESTJ as a friend

An ESTJ friend is active and lively. They love to mingle and become a part of large social gatherings. As such, you may find an ESTJ taking a primary role in large community gatherings.

They engage with their friends in a lively debate ultimately winning the battle of words. ESTJ friends also love to go out with their friends and enjoy short road trips, mountaineering, etc.

People with ESTJ personality type are loyal and trustworthy friends. They will keep their friend’s secret stories till the last breath. But they are opinionated and critical at the same time.

If they find their friend doing anything not as per rules, they will pinpoint the mistake blatantly. Thus, an ESTJ friend is not an easy one to deal with.

Others love to be around them because they are organized, honest, dedicated, and supportive. ESTJ personality type people make friends with those who possess similar regard and honor for traditions.

ESTJ personality types of people are usually stubborn. Therefore, it becomes hard for them to find sufficient common ground with people who frequently disagree with the kind of beliefs and principles they carry. 

Thus, forming strong bonds of friendship becomes difficult. Their challenge in being friends with others is not about trying to find enjoyable things to do. They need to have diversity in activities and friends.

ESTJs face immense problems in listening to various opinions and being friends with those who express their viewpoints differently from how they do. 

If these people want to build a good rapport with their friends and develop long-term relationships, ESTJs should do something about it. They must put their effort and realize others’ points of view.

ESTJ as a parent

Just like any other pursuit in life, ESTJs consider parenting as a full time job. They are strict and loving both. As parents, they prefer to impose strict discipline and rules at home. Their children are expected to follow these rules without asking a single question.

ESTJ parents teach their children the ways of perfect and righteous living. Their children become confident and assertive adults. Most of the time, children learn strong values that lead their path to success.

ESTJ parents expect that their children would offer to help in their own tender ways. It can be in the form of cleaning rooms, their plates, and going to bed on time. 

Now, this rigidity can turn out to be a stiff challenge for their children. They tend to become rebellious during their adolescent years. 

Executives want their children to abide by the structures they have put in place. They enjoy creating secure and stable environments. 

If their children do not follow the pattern and go by their thought process, ESTJ parents would see it as an insult.

ESTJ parents are not great at giving emotional support to their children. This is because they expect excellence only. For an ESTJ parent, sensitivity is a sign of weakness, thus the child is expected to stay strong and not express much emotionally.

Their engagement level with their children is also minimal. They will set high expectations from the child but will not help them overcome struggles and get to the point of success

These individuals expect their children to attain perfection and excellence. ESTJs themselves are modest people, and they only want to see their children become responsible and respected people in society. 

ESTJ parents also want their children to develop strong willpower and capability. It can happen if they get the chance to decide and face its result, either good or bad, backed by their parents’ love and support.

Another dark shade to this relationship is, they will never allow their kids to voice their opinions openly, and even if they give this opportunity, they will try to interfere in their child’s decision making process in every small way.

ESTJ parents need to be more flexible in their approach towards parenting; otherwise they may rear children who are emotionally detached, assertive, and arrogant. These personality traits may not set them on the right path in life.


The ESTJ compatibility with other 16 personality types

ESTJs have extraverted thinking as a dominant cognitive function. It means that they are likely to get attracted towards introverts who have introverted thinking as a dominant function. Both these types can nullify each other’s weaknesses and get along well with each other.

ESTJs always look for stable and loving relationships where partners can share each other’s feelings closely, feel safe to offer opinions and views, and have a strong nudge to build a committed relationship forever.

Thus, ISTPs and INTPs can match well with these organized extroverts. The compatibility will depend upon each other’s commitment and long lasting dedication to the relationship.

Moreover, ISFPs can also relate well with ESTJs. ISFPs are easy going and passionate. They can teach ESTJs to become more flexible and open-minded. On the contrary, ISFPs can imbibe the traditional values of an ESTJ in them, so that they become more organized and systematic in nature.

Both these partners have certain key elements that are to be shared to make the bonding strong and evergreen.

ESTJs will have the least successful match with an INTJ. 

Let us summarize the ESTJ relationship and compatibility pattern in the chart given below:

16 Personality typesCompatibility when paired with ESTJ
ENFPThis relationship is not a perfect match. ENFPs have intuitive-feeling traits. This means they crave deeper emotional bonding, empathy, and love from their partners. ESTJs are thinking-judging types who are emotionally less expressive. Moreover, they are too organized and will not be able to relate well with the easygoing nature of ENFPs.
ENTPENTP and ESTJ compatibility will require a lot of effort from both the partners. This is again due to the opposite functional stack that these people carry in their personality profile. ENTPs are intuitive thinking types. Their ideas will be future focused while ESTJs think about present issues and fail to analyze the bigger picture. So, lots of opinion variation can be seen in the relationship.
INFPINFPs are intuitive feeling types. Thus, they prefer deeper emotional connection with their partner that an ESTJ will not be able to meet. Moreover, INFPs prefer planning of the future possibilities while ESTJs are more present-focused. Thus, their life perspectives also vary significantly. This relationship will not be conflict-free for a long time.
INFJINFJ and ESTJ have opposite perceptual tendencies. Thus, they need to find a common ground in the relationship to get along well. However, differences of opinion will always be there. Both partners will have to leave their comfort spaces to relate well with each other. This relationship will surely have its share of squabbling.
ENFJENFJs and ESTJs have opposite functions. So both of them can become compatible partners. ESTJs will help ENFJs to stay focused in the present while ENFJs can help ESTJs become more sensitive and expressive emotionally.
INTJINTJ and ESTJ will not be a great match. Both partners will suffer in realizing couple goals together because of their too thoughtful nature. The emotional part will be lacking as both partners do not possess strong feeling functions. Maybe, these two will not be able to give enough space to each other in the relationship. As such, the bonding will never be close-knit.
ENTJENTJs and ESTJs share many common cognitive functions. The intuitive nature of ENTJs will help ESTJs to plan ahead and look at the bigger possibilities in life. They will be able to think ahead of the present time. Moreover, ESTJs are sensing personality types. They will ensure reality checks on ENTJS innovative ideas, and help them not lose focus of the present moment. Both these partners can blend well if they adapt each other’s good qualities and help one another grow in the relationship.
INTPBoth are logical thinkers and will be less expressive emotionally. This relational compatibility will not be successful because of intuition-sensing differences between the two partners. INTPs will think more about future possibilities. They may not relate well with the present-focused nature of the ESTJs.
ISFPThis can be a potential good match. As ISFPs also love to work in organized setups, they will blend well with the organized and planned mindset of ESTJs. Moreover, the introversion-extroversion qualities of one another will complement well towards long term committed bonding. Both partners will have shared interests in brainstorming conversations, solving jigsaws, or doing any outdoor fun together. 
ESFPESFPs and ESTJs can have a challenging time dealing with each other. ESFPs will be more emotional and will expect their partner to be emotionally expressive but the ESTJ will be quite poor in this regard. Communication will suffer in the relationship because both the partners will be dominating and will try to overpower each other with their own set of rules.
ISTPThe matching of an ISTP and ESTJ will be a good one. ISTJ are sensing personalities just like ESTJs. This means both these types are pragmatic, realistic, and enjoy being in the moment. The spontaneous and easy going ISTP can teach ESTJs to slow down and take things easy. ESTJs can learn to become more flexible and approachable in their relationships. Moreover, ISTPs will enjoy the social vibrancy and enthusiasm of the charismatic ESTJ. Both these partners will complement each other’s deficits in the relationship to make it loving and free flowing.
ESTPESTPs are mischievous, flexible, and fun-loving types whereas ESTJs are organized, thoughtful, logical, and stubborn in nature. Though only judging-perceiving function varies in the functional stack, these two personality types may have to understand each other well if they are thinking of starting a family life together. The easy going and overly friendly nature of ESTPs may come into conflict with the rigid, stubborn, and too serious attitude of ESTJs.
ISFJBoth are sensing personalities and prefer to stay tuned to their immediate needs. Both are well-organized and systematic, so they should blend with each other. ISFJs possess feeling functions and can help ESTJs become more compassionate in their life. THE ESTJ partner can help ISFJ partners to make thoughtful and logical decisions.
ESFJESFJs prefer to take decisions emotionally while ESTJs always try to give a logical bent into everything. This can result in conflict if both the partners do not learn to adjust effectively with each other. Both these personality types have common functions, so if they try to complement each other’s deficiencies, they should do well in a long term bonding.
ISTJWhen ISTJ and ESTJ meet each other, they can connect at deeper levels. They have similar cognitive functions that make the relationship work well. Moreover, ESTJs will prefer the quiet nature of the introvert. They will learn to become more reserved and connect with their inner selves. Contrary to this, ISTJs will love the typical extrovert nature of ESTJ and will learn to become more socialized and outgoing than who they usually are.
ESTJThe compatibility of two ESTJ personalities will be like two best friends who understand each other well. But at times, they might need to become a little flexible and turn off their stubborn side so that understanding between the two of you gets better. If two ESTJs try to overpower each other, then conflicts can occur in the relationship. So, caution is advised!
ESTJ compatibility chart

To Sum Up

From the above discussion, we can say that ESTJs approach their relationships too seriously. They dislike spontaneity and sudden changes in their relationship. They are inflexible and too stubborn at times that makes the relationship appear stuck in one place.

Their most compatible partner will be someone who is organized and methodical, doesn’t rely much on emotional expressions and prefers to stick to rules and conventions just like them.

Otherwise, the relationships can become sour and bitter. ESTJs need to nurture their intimate relationships more often so as to make them shine throughout their lives.