Enneagram 4 people are sensitive and reserved. They know whatever is going on around the world. The Enneagram Type 4 relationships & compatibility thrive on creativity, emotional honesty, and the ability to treat things personally. There are occasions when they can become moody and conscious of themselves.
They often feel vulnerable and defective, which makes them withdraw from other individuals in their surroundings. This habit tends to hurt their relationships. These people can even feel contemptuous and keep themselves away from the usual style of living.
Hence, they connect well with those individuals who love to do something special every and then, thus making their lives unique and special. Fours hate to deal with people who are melancholic and manage to take pity on themselves. If you want to know your type, take the online enneagram test with the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator.
Enneagram 4 Relationships & Compatibility
Enneagram type 4 relationships & compatibility talks of how they carry out different roles and responsibilities and maintain them with utmost precision to make the appropriate impact in their life. The compatibility chart helps them understand the similarities and contrasting features that fours share with other types.
In relationships, Enneagram 4 personality type people are passionate and tend to feel for others from the inside. Due to their nature of introspection, they believe in introducing new things in life and making things better through their creativity. There is a limited number of people who genuinely understand the fours and the traits that exist within them to make up their personality type.
The two aspects of novelty and creativity play a huge role in building a trustworthy bond with friends and family members. Fours feel comfortable sharing their emotional depth with others. Even when they do, fours often confront the inability of other types to match up to their emotional reaction. Hence, instead of listening to what Fours wish to convey, people often push them away. They do so to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
It often leaves Enneagram 4 personality type feeling misunderstood. Therefore, the primary requirement that this individual wishes to get from a relationship is that the other person needs to understand them in a meaningful manner. They look to make a profound connection with their emotions.
People have often told Fours that apart from being too emotional, they are intense. Still, Enneagram 4 personality type people have their feelings. Hence, it is extremely critical for others to find a way through them. It will go a long way toward making a long-term thriving relationship.
While playing the role of a romantic partner, an Enneagram Four would be a passionate lover filled with immense love and affection. They will always look to develop a deeper emotional connection with their partner.
As a friend, an Enneagram Four would shower their love and care on their counterparts. They would love to spend time with them and engage in deep conversations regarding all the latest happenings and interesting things across the world.
Fours are expressive and imaginative parents who have a knack for going against the norm while raising their children. As they are individualistic, they often fall for the same at the time of fulfilling their parenting needs. They often share those things they love with their children and enjoy those alongside them.
Let us now discuss in detail how Enneagram Fours maintain their relationships in various capacities as romantic partners, friends, and parents.
Enneagram 4 as a Romantic Partner
As a romantic partner, an Enneagram 4 looks for someone on whom they can depend wholeheartedly and will allow them to lead their life with complete independence. Their dependency truly shows that the Four feel that their partner will not let them down. It is a clear sign that he or she is in love with you.
When in love, an Enneagram 4 would be vulnerable to its partners. This individual will always be eager to express their feelings and emotions toward their romantic partner, which is not the case with other types. Whatever they try to express, they do so in their unique manner.
They may take the help of a song or a poem for conveying their expressions. It is also possible that a Four might take the help of something peculiar to them for expressing whatever they feel. Their focus on constantly expressing feelings toward their partner is a clear indication that they like them a lot. They love interacting with their partners. If those interactions carry depth and meaning, Fours feel a lot more connected to them.
Whether it is a guy or a girl, if an Enneagram 4 romantic partner adores them, they will look for developing a deep connection with them. They would feel free to discuss several issues and take due note of their opinions. While other enneagram types like to engage themselves in logical conversations, Type 4s do not require any such stuff. These people are only for meaningful and genuine conversations.
Enneagram 4 personality type person is extremely sensitive to the needs and requirements of their partner. Once they manage to identify that similar level of connection with their partner, they can easily sense the way their partners feel on most occasions.
They always wish to offer a helping hand and support their endeavors. It is applicable at the beginning of the relationship as well. The level of support will be directly proportional to the depth of connection an Enneagram 4 develops with its partner.
An Enneagram 4 is a highly independent and unique individual. Despite these traits, when they fall in love, Fours will give great value to the opinions and judgments of all those they love. It is a way of showing respect and giving due importance to their thought patterns.
The romantic relationships of Fours with their partners are not devoid of struggles. There is a fair share of those, which the partner of Enneagram 4 will face now and then. A person with this enneagram type always looks for a unique relationship that improves constantly. They do not wish to settle for anything less than their expectation. It can be a major problem for their partner if they are comfortable in the present condition of their relationship.
Apart from this, another problem that a partner of this personality type faces is their stubborn nature. It becomes evident while discussing deep-rooted values. They find it extremely tough to discuss and compromise on all those things that fours believe to be authentic. They even prefer having expressive partners, not those who are reserved and shy.
An Enneagram 4 as a Parent
Enneagram Fours are dramatic, creative, sensitive, temperamental, and compassionate. They happen to display emotional honesty among all other enneagram types. There is always a sense of fear that works inside and makes them feel inadequate.
As a parent, an Enneagram 4 individual will look to promote the creative side of their child’s personality. They will enrol their children in such programs, which involve cooking, writing, and art and craft. Parents with type 4 personalities will always look to spend quality time with their children and enjoy building a creative project in tandem. They might bake delicious and tempting desserts that they had not tried before and thus help their children learn the art of baking items.
These parents would develop a deep level of understanding about why their kids behave in a typical manner. It is not that they will pardon them if they find something is not acceptable. Even then, they might try to understand that it could be an adverse reaction to some stimuli. Hence, an Enneagram 4 parent would respond to their behaviors with compassion while they will refrain from giving in to them.
The parenting style of enneagram four is such that they always encourage their kids to express themselves. They want their children to show everyone who they are and what they are all about. Enneagram Type 4 moms ensure that their children speak up and live their truth. Therefore, this encouragement will make them stand up for what they like and not go as per others’ expectations.
It is necessary to note that by doing so, neither their mother nor father is encouraging their children to disobey rules and regulations. The law is still applicable even if they do not like it. Enneagram four parents would even allow them to remain in tune with their emotions and express them without any hindrance. They will make sure to let their kids understand the differences between being happy, excited, or sad.
When children start embracing their emotions, it allows them to stay healthy. Bottling one’s emotions within themselves is a negative feature. Doing so can lead to the emergence of several problems. Enneagram 4 parents let their children understand that they must not remain scared of their emotions. They form an integral part of their humanity.
An enneagram 4 mom usually loves listening to music, while carrying out their daily household chores. Apart from this activity, they will also make sure that they introduce music to the lives of their kids very early on during the time of growing up. They know music is extremely beneficial for their kids as it helps to promote the overall development of their personality.
Enneagram 4 as a Friend
When an Enneagram 4 personality type individual plays the role of a friend, they will focus on depth and creativity. These two aspects form the heart and soul of friendship with this individual. They do not look for making acquaintances with those who do not seriously want to be friends with them. Fours even hate indulging themselves in gossip.
Therefore, they only yearn for authenticity, healthy understanding between one another, and discussions that carry loads of imaginative ideas. Most of these individuals feel they must hold back their emotions so as not to scare off people. Those who are friends with Enneagram Type 4s, often misunderstand their deep level of emotions. It can be quite an overwhelming pain for them to overcome.
Friends must appreciate the depth of feeling that their enneagram 4 companion brings to the table. They must acknowledge their feelings, validate those if possible and display their affection frequently. The last thing that a four would want is a convenient answer to pacify their pain. Thus, it is important to understand that if an individual with this personality type confides in a friend with their feelings, they must not put them aside.
They should also avoid giving meaningless statements in response to their queries. Doing so will not serve their purpose. A person must realize that their enneagram 4 friend requires them to process and then express their feelings. Simultaneously, one must never allow their moods to control and get the better of them. A friend of an enneagram 4 should act with kindness whenever they get adversely affected by their mood swings.
We all know how fours often attract themselves toward creative and artistic pursuits. Due to this reason, when someone is in friendship with an Enneagram Type 4, they must show interest in creativity. They should find several ways through which they can do something creative with this individual.
Taking a walk in the nature park can help them find things a person can use to create amazing pieces of art with their type 4 friend. Sharing similar levels of interest will help them connect better with each other and strengthen their friendship.
An ideal for an enneagram 4 will also be someone, who would offer them sufficient encouragement to do something they truly believe in. He must give their type 4 friend a feeling of safety when they show trust in them to share their feelings. Moreover, when they are not in a good mood, an ideal friend would not try to lighten it up. It will not work out that way. The enneagram 4 individuals would feel as if their feelings do not matter at all.
Enneagram 2 Compatibility with Other Enneagram Types
In the previous segment, we have discussed in detail how an Enneagram 4 personality type individual carries out different responsibilities in their life for maintaining personal relationships.
The following enneagram compatibility chart would present us with a better picture regarding the behavioral changes that appear within Type 4s when they build relationships with other Enneagram Types.
|Enneagram Types||When Paired With 4|
|Enneagram 1||When Enneagram 4 pairs up with Enneagram 1, they form a team of idealists. They carry a vision for how the world could turn out to be in the future. Even though both these individuals are opposite personalities in several ways, their energies complement one another quite well, when they are working well together. Enneagram 1 builds restrictions to the depth and countless self-expressions of Enneagram 4. On the other hand, the Enneagram 4 individual allows their Enneagram 1 partner to become free and makes them think out of the box.|
|Enneagram 2||The relationship between an Enneagram 4 and Enneagram 2 is built on connection, intimacy, and empathy. They expect a lot from one another but fail to communicate their expectations. Enneagram Type 2 identifies the needs and requirements of Enneagram 4. They manage to sufficiently pull those out of their heads so that the Four can connect and engage themselves with the world. The Two bring forth sociable and friendly energy to this relationship. On the other hand, the Enneagram 4 person understands Two’s depth of the heart, thus enabling Enneagram 2 to stay in tune with their feelings. Four brings humor, creativity, and honesty to this relationship.|
|Enneagram 3||If Enneagram 4 pairs up with Enneagram 3, their relationship thrives on communication, intensity, and conviction. They help one another pay attention to all those things that are of great importance. Enneagram 3 brings structure, energy, practicality, and ambition to the relationship. It enables Enneagram 4 to get rid of doubts that might otherwise arise within themselves. They will become much more aware of things happening around the world. Simultaneously, the Enneagram 4 individual enables their Enneagram 3 partner to experience the depth of their relationship. They can help them introspect every detail that goes inside and develop a better understanding of each aspect of life.|
|Enneagram 4||The association between Enneagram Fours carries depth, idealism, emotions, and empathy. People often misunderstand their feelings and sentiments. Fortunately, they complement each other well. They carry the urge to know beauty, meaning, and understanding of various aspects of the world. Fours remain on the lookout to make things better and mourn about the missing links not only in their relationship but also in the world at large.|
|Enneagram 5||Curiosity, imagination, and complexity form the basis of this relationship between Enneagram 4 and Enneagram 5. They can keep conversing at length about various topics they are interested in. It happens because both Four and Five possess the ability to investigate and hence enjoy diving deep inside new subjects. The Four’s emotional nature and ability to describe the nitty-gritty of emotions help their Enneagram Five attain more comfort with self-expression. On the other hand, the Five gives their Enneagram Four partner rationality along with objective wisdom. It enables them to think through various ideas, which come to their mind.|
|Enneagram 6||When an Enneagram 4 pairs up with an Enneagram 6 individual, they form a sensitive, affectionate, and expressive relationship. While, the Four help their Enneagram Six partner to become self-aware, compassionate, and pay attention to their emotions. The Six assists the Enneagram Four individuals to attain practicality, loyalty, and perseverance in this relationship. These three features help them to strengthen their bond further.|
|Enneagram 7||The relationship between an Enneagram 4 and Enneagram 7 thrives on idealism, expression, and curiosity. Even though they display their opposite characteristics in different ways, these individuals think outside the box. Enneagram 7 helps their Enneagram 4 partner in seeing all the good and positive things in their life. They even help increase the Four’s confidence level. On the other hand, Enneagram 4 helps the Seven to stay humble. They create a secure place for them to experience emotions.|
|Enneagram 8||If an Enneagram Four pairs up with an Enneagram Eight, their relationship thrives on authenticity, passion, and intensity. Both these individuals work on their instincts. They understand and carry out their actions as per their gut feelings. The Four helps an Eight in experiencing sensitivity and emotional vulnerability within the relationship. Simultaneously, the Eight provides a sense of strength, practicality, and protection. Hence, they meet the cravings of their Enneagram Four counterparts.|
|When an Enneagram Four gets into a relationship with an Enneagram Nine, it flourishes based on kindness, sensitivity, and empathy. While they look for depth within their relationship, they even aim for independence. Enneagram Four offers intense emotional awareness encouraging their Enneagram Nine partner to express their emotional experiences. They use their energetic nature to make Nine move out of their comfort zone and face various challenges in the world. On the other hand, the Enneagram Nine is nonjudgmental and provides the Four with a sense of acceptance. It allows the Four to move forward to experience self-love and get rid of all kinds of doubts.|
To Sum Up
In this article, we have discussed various ways an Enneagram 4 personality type individual maintains relationships as a romantic partner, parent, and friend. As they focus on individuality and following their creative pursuits, fours want to associate with those people with whom they can share all those things they love to do while leading their lives.
We have also compiled a compatibility chart that has mentioned the kinds of relationships that Enneagram 4s share with all other Enneagram types. Usually, Type Fours pair well with Type Five and Type Nine, while they are least compatible with Type Eight. This chart can go a long way toward helping Enneagram Fours understand how other types function. Hence, they can try to maintain closeness with those who carry features in line with their preference.
Chandrani is a former school psychologist and teacher by profession. She is a post graduate in Applied psychology with focus in clinical and health domains. Her passion for writing, kindled during school days have now become a full time freelancing endeavor. For her, writing is cathartic and keeps her mentally agile. Her lovable niches includes psychology, parenting, spirituality, lifestyle, and love and relationships. Her work depicts her perspectives about various experiences that she came across; unleashed a richer and deeper meaning of life. "Let me leave an aftertaste in the minds of few, if not many who need to find a path of absolute bliss, happiness, and inner peace."